Estinien Wyrmblood (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
dravanicide) wrote2018-07-10 10:37 pm
dravanicide) wrote2018-07-10 10:37 pmIC Inbox (Snowblind)
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dravanicide) wrote2018-07-10 10:37 pm
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...Think you this life was handed to me on a bejeweled platter?
[the question seems accusatory, as though some defense will follow in its wake, but francel says nothing to defend himself, and merely sighs.]
I suppose I really should have died a long time ago.
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[There's absolutelt irritation in Estinien's voice, a bit of a growl to his words.]
If you wish to speak with me you will do so as a man, not as a petulant child. You are a son of House Haillenarte, have some pride and honour for yourself as well as your House.
If you are to die, do so with dignity, but do not resent that it has not come for you yet. If you wish it, earn it, but if you are to just lay down and die here in the snow, know that your death will bring naught but shame.
[Seriously kid, come on. Ishgard has weathered far worse than this and you think you should have died because of all of this? Francel is hardly disproving his theory that his life has been handed to him thus far. Not with this overreaction.]
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at length francel replies, but he doesn't sound offended in the least, and in fact, there is a touch of amusement in his voice that was not there previously.]
...That's not quite what I meant, Ser Estinien, but it is nice to know that you think I could, in fact, die with dignity.
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[He says curtly, annoyance still in his tone.]
Any man can die shamefully, but just as well, any man can die with dignity. It rests upon him to choose which course he takes.
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[francel does not explain himself.]
What do you value most above all, Estinien?
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[Estinien's a man who came from basically nothing, and what he did have was taken from him at a young age. He got to where he was because he worked for it, and did what he could to meet his goals at all costs. To blame others for his possible shortcomings is inexcusable to him. ]
My duty as Azure Dragoon.
[Which is almost a whole truth. He does value his duty far more than basically everything, but that's far more because of its intersection with his thirst for vengeance.
But that is not something he cares to divulge with the young lord so soon.]
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[he says this so quietly that it's almost hard to hear.]
Is that the duty to defend Ishgard? Or the duty to slay Nidhogg?
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[His tone is absolutely serious, he both wishes to defend Ishgard and slay Nidhogg, but it'd be a lie to say they were in equal measure.]
If I am to slay Nidhogg, then Ishgard will thus lose its greatest threat. 'Tis one in the same.
What of you? What do you value beyond all else?
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...A friend.
A friend to whom I was perhaps never really a friend at all.
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[He cares not for a cryptic answer like this.]
Did this friend betray you? Or is there aught else that would make you come to such a conclusion.
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[francel's voice rises suddenly, rises in volume but dips in pitch — and then, just as quickly, it breaks into the whisper of a man defeated.]
...No, I did this to myself.
...They — they say, you know, that you and Ser Aymeric are — are bosom friends. That you two have been friends ever since you served in the Temple Knights together. This is true, is it not? [francel does not wait for an answer before he continues, in the same soft and polite tone as before, but at a rapid pace, sped up nearly twofold.] And so it stands to reason, does it not, that there are things you would do for Aymeric that you would not do for anybody else, that sounds reasonable, does it not?
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The speed in which he talks makes it plain how much he's distressed by whatever it is this mysterious friend has done, and Estinien almost wants to tell his own curiosity to bugger itself and end the conversation here.
He isn't one to give advice on such things, and he feels this is going down that path, but he decides to see just where this rabbit hole is going.]
Aye, you have the right of it. Ser Aymeric's and my friendship is a secret to none, and as such my loyalties lie with him above all else.
That being said, I would endure far more for him than any other, and there is little I would refuse if he asked--however, I suggest you get to the crux of this, ere I tire of this chatter.
[He doesn't care to discuss his personal relationships with others, especially not to a lord he barely knows, but he figures there's a point... somewhere in there that he's aiming for, and he will put up with this till he knows of it, at least.]
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estinien thinks it's because he didn't try hard enough. it's because he didn't try hard enough. it's because he didn't try hard enough and maybe if he had tried harder he could have been something, done something, been more than just the lonely little lord on his hill with his flowers and his graves. and even estinien understands something of friendship and loyalty, that there must be rules, that loyalty is won not earned — and it was always so easy to win haurchefant's loyalty, the sign of a generous heart perhaps, the sign of a fool on the other hand, and francel the greater fool for believing that he had actually won anything in his miserable life. he was convenient, that's all; their friendship was a matter of convenience at best, and if there were any other hopeless lordlings to befriend the bastard then haurchefant would have picked another boy and not francel. and there is little that estinien would refuse if aymeric asked and there is little that francel would refuse if haurchefant asked, but the difference is — the difference is —
it occurs to francel suddenly that ser aymeric made a bid to slay nidhogg during the conference at falcon's nest.
ser aymeric would have killed estinien during the conference at falcon's nest.
and estinien does not know of this. and there is no such thing in this world as friendship. and maybe in this world there are things like pragmatism and utilitarianism and it is right and good to choose ishgard over a single man's life. but francel would have chosen hellfire, he has already chosen hellfire, he chose to place himself in harm's way to avenge chlodebaimt (death for the life of a brother; anything for the life of a brother) and look where that has gotten him: nowhere. and haurchefant saved the warrior of light just the same way that he saved francel all those years ago, and it never meant anything at all, and it was only ever just that shallow, and he just couldn't help himself, could he, he just couldn't help himself, could he.
and loyalty is won but i always lose.
and estinien thinks it's because i didn't try hard enough.]
...You should hold on to him. And perhaps one day you too will wake up and find that you never meant anything to anyone at all.
[and on that incredibly unhelpful note, upon which estinien probably decides that there's no value in talking to francel any further while he's like this, and francel decides that there is no value in his talking to anyone (because he is just that worthless), francel decides to end the conversation, and roll over onto his back to sleep.]
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That isn't to say he doesn't have thoughts floating around, he does indeed, and he finds himself wondering about what the hell Francel was even trying to get at. Not being one to ponder interpersonal relationships so deeply, however, he feels the distress is clearly born of him being a man with too much time on his hands, too little responsibility, and lacking a good hard slap from reality.
Perhaps this place will harden the lad.
But then, after the long pause, his tablet speaks to him again, and his attention is on it fully. The message is as melodramatic as Estinien has come to expect, but then the silence thereafter implies the lord has withdrawn, and honestly Estinien couldn't be more relieved.
Of course, that isn't to say that parting message didn't leave Estinien with some thoughts to consider, and curiosity of what he may mean, but not enough for him to attempt to seek answers.]